Back to the old ways.

22 Mar

Dave has gone away for the week for work.  Once night fell, I found myself in serious panic mode and needing to do all the things of old from when I lived alone.  The house had to be a particular way.  Everything had to be tidied and put away.  Everything just so.

It made me realise how much of my behaviour as a single woman living alone was based on the need for security and in order to keep away fear.  I was constantly living with fear at night, ranging from low level (and unconsious fear) to complete panic.  The low level fear is back.

Yet, now that that is all done, I think I am going to enjoy the next few days.  A time to regroup.  And I will soon adjust to being responsible for it all once more.

And of course, I still have Max (Dave’s dog) to protect me and the house now!


Posted by on March 22, 2009 in Home life



2 responses to “Back to the old ways.

  1. jane

    March 26, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    I’m lucky that Breen doesn’t travel. Still, there are times when he comes home later than usual or our daily routine gets thrown off. Sometimes it brings me right back to when I was alone. What I find helps me though is to remind myself that I am engaged in a healthy, loving relationship which means that Breen and I enhance each other and not depend on each other in unhealthy ways. The time apart can be good. We all need the time to reflect, pray and reconnect with ourselves.

  2. Yertle

    March 23, 2009 at 7:34 am

    That fear is tricky stuff. It knows how to grab onto the tendrils of past scars and make me feel so small again. These days I think about what can I do to feel big and expansive again, as that usually moves the fear. To do something that makes me feel connected to me, the world, etc..


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